What the dojo means to me

When I was a young kid, I was goofy and fluffy. Kind of the opposite from what you’d expect a great combat athlete to be. I would go to these judo tournaments and be scared out of my mind. I’d try to make friends with the kids I’d compete against to mollify my anxiety. When I inevitably lost, I’d crawl under the bleachers and cry. I can only imagine how many times my father shook his head and said to himself, “Man, this kid is not cut out for this.”

BUT I LOVED THE DOJO.

I remember when I was 12, we moved from a very blue-collar neighborhood to Scarsdale in order to get the best public education. One day, I was sitting in English class, and the teacher asked the class,

“How many of your parents are lawyers?” A third of the class raised their hands. “How many of your parents are doctors?” A third of the class raised their hands. “the rest, banking right? How many of your parents do not fall into these three categories?” There were only two hands in the air. The other kid proudly said, “my father is a diplomat"” I said, “My father is a martial artist and owns a dojo.” I was extremely proud.

The dojo was a place of opportunity. I thought it was so cool that my father who came to the country with $20 in 1963, could earn by fighting with his students. There was a language barrier so he taught in a non-verbal manner which stuck and remains his teaching style today at 82 years old. When Covid happened, I decided to quarantine up at my parent’s house. So as I write this at 6am (before my daughter wakes up), I look around and I am still amazed how my father’s Harai goshi (and personal financial discipline) built this home.

Naturally, I followed in my father’s footsteps but with very many digressions (and it was encouraged). I thought I wanted to be a teacher so I got a MA in teaching. Didn’t do that. Tried my hand at corporate sales; loved it for 3 months, crushed it for 6, hated the rest. Did some competitive Judo on the IJF circuit. Went to get an MBA. And many more in between. But I was always Drawn back to the dojo.

You see, the dojo gave me everything.

First and foremost, it gave me inspiration. From Kids to adults, we were all there to better ourselves. From where I am standing on the mat, I can see the learning process and personal growth unfold.

Gripping tactics, RvL, first hand on, take initiative for preferred configuration, one hand arm throw fake to weak side, fight for sleeve. Adjust with strong post, turn opponent shoulder. Anticipate bail out throw to transition cleanly to ground. Counter if opponent attacks from inferior position. Create movement. Create space. Feint, Direct attack, misdirection, or combination for a Big turn throw.

Many, many lines of patterns can come from such a simple progression.

Learning this after a long 9-5 or after a tough day at school is not easy. Not only do they have to learn the concepts to put this sequence together but now they have to conquer their fears in order to execute this. All while battling fatigued from the grueling workout. Sometimes your mind prevents you from doing. We can work on that. Sometimes, you get slammed and the plan simply fails. We can work on that too. One facet of being in the dojo is getting back up. I love seeing people getting back up time and time again, conquering their fears and problem solving in motion. The dojo is one of the greatest sources of inspiration for me.

And the inspiration works in many directions.

Not only did I get inspired by my students, but I hope the inspiration was multi directional. That I was able to give back and the students were able to inspire each other. The dojo is the perfect balance between individualist and collectivist thinking. Because in order to individually improve (in the dojo setting), we need a good dojo and to have a good dojo. we need good individuals. This type of interdependence where we make each other better is truly everywhere. IF you take this lesson from the dojo and extend it beyond the tatami, it can greatly improve your life. I try to bring this mentality to my family.

When I think family, I think dojo and when I think dojo, I think family. I associate dojo with the long rides back and forth with my mother and my father. Watching the M***s family and the R***e family rooting for their kids (phones in their pockets) mat side and embracing them if they cried. Having Kevin and both his Kids spending all Saturday morning, training, sweating and laughing. Some people aren’t as fortunate to have a great home life. But if the dojo can fill just a little of those needs I feel I would have done my job right.

Really what the dojo is, is a reflection of yourself. Its like a mirror that is put in front of you and exposes your vulnerabilities. With the help of your peers and the inspiration, it forces you to be better (and if you are already great, it sharpens you). The dojo is what you want it to be, The dojo is everything to me.

Here is my father’s Judo system explained